Marions Communication Tips

Face to Face Trumps Techno

Fri, 04 May 2012 15:42:00 GMT

When was the last time you connected face to face with someone for the first time? Perhaps it was a colleague that you'd emailed or spoken with on the phone, and had never met. Or maybe it was someone you already knew well and were glad to see in person.

This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending a 10-year reunion for "Women Moving Forward" in Kanata, Ontario. A group of 20 ladies, from all different businesses and backgrounds, gathered to commemorate an organization that helped women connect on a personal face-to-face and heart-to-heart basis.

It was so interesting to meet some of these ladies in person. We had chatted on Facebook, exchanged comments and photos, yet had never actually seen each other in person. It was magic. And it reminded me how important it is to connect in person.

I don't care how great technology is - there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that will replace face-to-face communication.

When you reach out and shake someone's hand, you're getting a universe of information. Is that hand cold or warm? Soft or calloused? Weak or strong? In those few seconds, you consciously or unconsciously deduce if that person is nervous or relaxed, an office worker or tradesperson, shy or confident. That's the benefit of meeting face to face.

Even the wonderful technologies that are now available to us, like teleconferencing or video calls, pale in comparison to the visceral response we get to seeing someone in person. As amazing as this technology is in connecting you across the miles, it is trumped by face-to-face communication.

Think about the people with whom you communicate. Perhaps they are colleagues in other countries, clients on the other side of the country ... or maybe they're just on the other side of your building. Imagine going to a social function, meeting or conference and seeing them for the first time in person.

That personal touch connection is irreplaceable.

There never was, never is, never will be anything that garners so much information, satisfaction and visceral response as human face-to-face communication. That's why you pay to see celebrities in person, to hear bands play live and to attend conferences with speakers you've heard of and colleagues you rarely get to see.

Who do you want to meet, face-to-face?

Who have you communicated with recently using only technology? Who in your life would benefit from a face-to-face exchange with you?

Here's your action item for this week: get in touch with a colleague and arrange to meet face-to-face. It could be casually over coffee or more formally in a meeting. However it feels most comfortable, you choose.

Regardless of the venue, when you shake the hand, look in the eyes, read the body language and see the facial expressions, you'll remember why face-to-face is so important. Because it connects you on a deeper level. Go get connected, in person.

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life,
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
COMMUNICATION CATALYST
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com

www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communication catalyst, author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein motivates and teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they communicate. Get weekly hands-on tips by signing up for "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

Why Presentation Slides Fail

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 14:21:00 GMT

I have lots of presentations coming up in the next couple months, so I've been thinking about what makes a presentation fail or succeed. When was the last horrible presentation you attended or (gulp) gave? Think back and ask yourself why it was so bad. You might find that ...

... most presentations fail because of too much information, not too little.

Sometimes presenters just don't get it - a presentation is not a document, and it doesn’t need to be crammed with detailed text, charts, or diagrams. Quite to the contrary. You want each slide to only contain enough information to help your audience focus and recall the point currently being discussed. A few words, a telling image, maybe a quotation or words from a report. Remember, the bulk of your information should be delivered verbally.

If the audience can read your slides and get all the information, they don't need you.

Prepare each of your slides so they are simple, clean and can be understood in three or four seconds. Oh, I can hear you now, "But Marion, I have a bunch of details to share that are really important." Maybe you do, and that's exactly why you create a handout document to distribute at that point in your presentation. I don't recommend handing out the detailed docs in advance because, although more time-efficient, the advance document will be too much of a temptation to the audience members, and they will read ahead.

AVOID: repurposing your presentation slide deck as a handout -- it will likely fail as both.

I see too many people do that and I don't think it honors your audience members. They stick three slides per page with note lines beside each and figure that's their handout. Wrong. Presentations are storytelling. And yes, even business presentations are storytelling too. You're presenting a case study of a consumer reaction, a business case as to why a product should be launched, or an update on a project. They're all stories.

In, "Resonate: Present Visual Stories that Transform Audiences", author Nancy Duarte reviews the great orators throughout the ages to discover what it is that makes them so effective in communicating their ideas. She concludes that the most persuasive stories are those that take you on a journey, that move you from point A to point B. You get to experience the voyage, the transformation, and the human experience. Think about Aristotle, Martin Luther King, or great movies - they all tell stories and demonstrate how people and circumstances can change. And after you watch them, you may change too.

For your next presentation, forget the endless bullet points and lists, and replace them with storytelling. That's really how you engage your audience and affect change.

www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks

© 2012 Marion Grobb Finkelstein
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communication catalyst, author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein motivates and teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they communicate. Get weekly hands-on tips by signing up for "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

Tongue Tied Techniques

Tue, 03 Apr 2012 16:37:00 GMT

I bet at some point, you’ve been verbally attacked. It could be something a colleague or family member says. Or it might not be a word at all, just a judgmental raise of an eyebrow that says all. You want to snap something back, but what? You are at a complete loss for words, stumped, and tongue tied. You morph into a statue.

Maybe an hour or a day later, you think of the perfect response. Oh, it’s so witty, classy and cleverly worded. You whip yourself for being stymied at the time of the affront. Why, you ask yourself, does your brain dry up and your wit fail you when you need them the most?

Science has the answer.

Dr. John Leach is one of the world’s leading experts on survival psychology. He teaches at Lancaster University in the UK and has coined a phrase called, “Incredulity Response”. This is when you simply don’t believe what you’re seeing or hearing. You tell yourself, “This really isn’t happening”, and you continue to go about your own business. You pretend everything is OK and don’t respond to the danger.

In scientific terms, this incredulity response normally applies to people’s responses in time of physical disasters – fires, floods, robberies, traffic accidents. You're motionless. You can’t think straight. You have paralysis by analysis and brain freeze.

Although Dr. Leach was studying physical attacks and responses, I believe there is also value in applying this science principle to how you communicate, and more specifically, how you respond – or don’t -- when you feel verbally attacked.

Dr. Leach says that in times of danger, it’s normal to freeze to some extent. What’s important is the speed with which you recover from it. He says that in the face of a serious physical threat, someone may offer to make you a cup of tea, or get you a blanket. He suggests that it’s far better to do it yourself because going through the motions prompts your brain to function to coordinate movements. He explains that once your brain gets going with a routine task, it kick starts the rest of the brain and ups your chances of being able to respond with a clear mind.

So how do you apply that technique to your communications when you feel attacked and tongue-tied?
Here’s some tips:

ADJUST your thinking to a routine task or observation. Just for a moment, think of something routine, ordinary and neutral. It could be objectively noticing the tone of your assailant’s voice. Maybe you focus on what he’s wearing. Perhaps it’s daisies in a field or recounting the alphabet. Whatever it is, make sure it’s neutral, unemotional observation, and second nature to you.
BREATHE. When you’re faced with a threat, even a verbal one, a natural response is to hold your breath. You might not even realize you’re doing it. Take a moment, a few seconds to focus on your breathing -- and make sure you are. Not only does this give you a point of focus, it physically prepares you to think clearly. All that oxygen you’re introducing to your brain will nourish and ready it to respond.
CHANGE YOUR POSITION. Shift your physical position. Be aware of body language and consciously move into a receptive, open stance. Relax your palms (you might, unknowingly, be clenching your hands into fists). Point your toes of at least one foot toward the person (it’s instinct to turn away from those you want to avoid, so move toward him or her to connect instead). Assume eye contact without staring -- if you stare, it appears as aggressive.

Next time when you believe you’re being verbally beat up on, feel tongue tied, and you just can’t believe what you’re seeing and hearing, let science work for you to shake off this “incredulity response”. No need to stand there as a victim and be abused. With these techniques, you’ll untie your tongue, thaw your frozen brain and be in a far better position to respond.

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life,
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
COMMUNICATION CATALYST
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communication specialist, author, professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they communicate. Chat with her at www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks and sign up for her FREE weekly "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

What Steve Jobs Taught Me About Communication

Thu, 29 Mar 2012 02:50:00 GMT

Whether you’re an Apple or a PC fan, chances are you’ve seen clips of Steve Jobs giving presentations. If you haven’t, Google his name and check it out. He’s a pro and you'll learn a lot by watching this presentation master at work. Here’s a couple lessons I've learned from his communication style.

LESSON #1: Forget “the end justifies the means” when you're leading.

As a person, Steve Jobs had questionable tactics that have been brought to light in recent books and articles. It seems his focus on Apple was relentless and his family and many colleagues paid the price of his Machiavellian approach where, in his mind, the end justified the means and human toll. Some people suggest that this is an effective type of leadership. I disagree. Although it may have yielded results for Jobs from a corporate viewpoint, I’m unaware of any gravestone that reads, “He got corporate results”. No ma’am. Gravestones talk about people, their human qualities and kindnesses. Steve Jobs will forever be remembered as someone who crushed other people in his climb to the top. I bet his gravestone doesn’t mention anything about that. Nope, communicating like that does not a leader make, at least not in my opinion.

LESSON #2: A presentation that looks effortless is most often the result of deliberate practice.

In his recent book, “The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs: How to Be Insanely Great in Front of Any Audience”, Carmine Gallo studies and shares the techniques that Jobs used to prepare and deliver his legendary presentations. In his decades of stage time, his keynotes engaged the legions of Apple fans and beyond. Here are a few things Jobs would do to prepare. You can do them too:

Rehearse. Rehearse is more than "practice" -- it means practicing in front of others. Gallo reveals that Jobs’s seeming effortless speeches were the result of obsessive rehearsal. Some of his five-minute presentations took hundreds of hours of practice. If you’re preparing a presentation, don’t just practice it by yourself, in front of a mirror or before your pet dog or cat. Deliver a dry run in front of a supportive group of employees, colleagues or peers.
Incorporate feedback. In addition to getting over some nerves of speaking in front of people, rehearsing in front of live people is a wonderful opportunity for you to ask for and receive feedback. Allowing for anonymous feedback will earn you the most honest, and sometimes brutal, responses. You won’t agree with all of them, so throw away what you don’t want and use the rest. I suggest using “the rule of three”. If you hear a similar comment from three independent sources, it’s probably worth implementing.
Record yourself. If you're like most people, you’re probably reticent to audio or video record your presentation or speech. “I can’t stand the sound of my voice”, “I hate seeing myself on video”, “It makes me nervous to be recorded”, are all excuses I’ve heard from clients wanting to improve their presentation skills. Get over it. What you will learn by recording yourself, will far outweigh the awkwardness you may feel. You will be able to note your body language, word “fillers”, and speech patterns that may not be serving you well. Recording yourself is probably that #1 way to fast-track improvement in how you present. This being said, its true value is only found if you review your recording with an eye and ear to ameliorating versus judging. It’s a tool meant to serve you, not break you down.

Steve Jobs may be gone but his lessons live on. You can learn both from what he did right as a presenter, and perhaps even more so, by what he did wrong as a leader -- and communication was a big part of both.

PS: Are you planning a conference, employee gathering or management retreat and looking for presenters? I'd love to submit a proposal for your consideration. Please contact me Marion@MarionSpeaks.com

© 2012 Marion Grobb Finkelstein
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communication catalyst, author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they communicate. Get weekly hands-on tips by signing up for "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

Do You Give Feedback?

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 01:53:00 GMT

When was the last time you gave feedback? You likely have lots of occasions to do so. It could be during employee performance appraisals. Or perhaps your boss is asking for your input on a project or concept? Maybe your client is requesting your decision on several creative concepts and wants your input to proceed. All these scenarios require your response ... and feedback.

When feedback is good, it's easy to give, though many people don't bother. When you get great support from your boss, or when a colleague or client bends over backward to get you something you requested by a tight deadline, do you offer feedback and let him or her know how their actions helped you? Do you take a moment to acknowledge the effort and expertise?

Are people forgetting to give feedback?

I've noticed a disturbing trend and I'm wondering if you've noticed it too. When you do something above and beyond what is expected, do you hear back from the lucky recipient? Do you get feedback or, at minimum, an acknowledgement of receipt? If not, it could be because the person doesn't realize how important it is to provide this. What he or she may not realize is that no response looks like complete disinterest. Providing feedback, input and acknowledgement shows you're engaged.

COMM TIP: Practice the "thank you" principle.

I recently contacted a client to drop off a thank you gift for some business I had done with him. I followed that up with a hand-written thank you card in the mail, then a final report summarizing the session. On all three occasions, I got no feedback or response. Nothing, zip, rien. OK, a "thank you" would have been nice, but what I really expected was a courteous acknowledgement of receipt of some sort, and most certainly feedback on the final report, especially as what I provided was above what had been requested. I wanted to know if he was pleased and found the report useful. Instead, I received a blank void of no response.

Because this behavior of "no response, no feedback" is not unique to that particular client, I wonder if people are forgetting the importance of giving feedback. Or maybe it's not so much feedback as professional courtesies. Have you noticed that too?

If you've found yourself stumped on how to give feedback, here's two keys that may unlock the mystery for you.

Take a tip from the President of Toastmasters International about giving feedback

Are you a Toastmaster or heard of Toastmasters? If so, you may be familiar with the name "Chris Ford". Chris was the 2007-08 President of Toastmaster International. I'm fortunate to know Chris on several levels. He's a colleague, founding member of my Toastmasters Club, and I'm privileged to call him my friend. (PS: I also know him as someone who makes a killer martini ;o)

A number of years ago, Chris gave us a tip at our Toastmasters meeting that I've never forgotten. He was talking about giving feedback and evaluations of speeches, a regular practice at Toastmasters meetings. The principles apply to any instance where you're providing feedback. He said there are two keys to giving feedback, and these are:

TIPS ON GIVING FEEDBACK:

Let the person know what they can do to improve
Leave them feeling better for having heard it.

Next time you find yourself with an opportunity to give feedback, do it! Not only will it help to hone your communication skills, if you do it right, you'll likely be helping the other person too.

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life,
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
COMMUNICATION CATALYST
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks

PS: Are you planning a conference, employee gathering or management retreat and looking for presenters? I'd love to submit a proposal for your consideration. Please contact me Marion@MarionSpeaks.com

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communication catalyst, author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they communicate. Get weekly hands-on tips by signing up for "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

WEBINAR: How to Give the "Best You" Job Interview (March 15 @ 2pm) -- Grab Your Seat NOW!

Tue, 13 Mar 2012 11:23:00 GMT

Have you ever gone to a job interview and absolutely bombed? You stumbled over questions you know you could answer and then, much to your chagrin, you thought of the perfect response a day later. Or maybe you were so nervous, your brain shut down completely and went blank. Your nervousness may have been misperceived as lack of confidence in your ability to do the job and the interview went downhill from there.

It was a painful experience you promised yourself you would never live it again. Here's the good news.

This Thursday, you could change how you present yourself at your next job interview ...

Imagine feeling confident about job interviews, being sure how to respond to those dreaded questions, and know how to present the "best you" and up your chances for landing your dream job. If this is where you want to be and how you want to feel, then this Thursday, March 15 one-hour webinar is for you. You'll discover:

how to use your body language to let them know you're really interested in this job
secrets to build your confidence
tips to make a great first impression ... even before you begin the interview
the one thing NEVER to ask at a job interview
how to respond to your most dreaded interview questions
what to do before, during and after the interview to increase your chances of success

Thursday, 15 March 2012 Webinar... $99.

WEBINAR: THE "BEST YOU" JOB INTERVIEW.

http://www.marionspeaks.com/marions-products/webinars/webinar-singles

There are many reasons why people succeed or fail at job interviews. After decades of hiring employees and being interviewed myself, I've learned how good communication can make job interviews ... and job interviews can make or break careers. In one short hour, I'll share dozens of tips and suggestions that could make a difference to you and your career.

"Excellent presentation -- wish it was longer!", "Could have listened for hours", "An uplifting and encouraging presentation -- well done!"
Attendees of Marion's webinars

Executives have paid $250 for an hour of my coaching advice. Organizations invest 4-digit figures for me to present for an hour. And your investment for one hour live webinar hour with me is a fraction of these fees at only $99. If you land that new job, will you be making $99 more than you do now? Likely, you will.

YOU: "But I'm at work and can't listen to the live webinar"

ME: "No problem -- I email you a weblink to the recording you can listen to at your convenience!"

If you can't make the live webinar, don't worry about it. You can email your questions in advance and you'll get a handout along with a weblink so you can listen to the session multiple times when it's convenient for you.

One hour, and you can change your next job interview. The choice is yours.

LIMITED CAPACITY, SO GRAB YOUR SEAT TODAY: http://www.marionspeaks.com/marions-products/webinars/webinar-singles

While you're checking out this webinar, take a peek at my webinar packages for extra savings. You can choose from a collection of 12 amazing monthly communication webinars. Register for one webinar ... or get a package of 3, 6, 9 or the dynamo dozen. The more you buy, the more you SAVE.

PS: If you're interested in taking advantage of the EXTRA SAVINGS with the webinar packages and prefer to pay in installments, email me at Marion@MarionSpeaks.com and I'll arrange multiple payments for your convenience.

When Things Go Wrong, Communicate

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 05:48:00 GMT

Think about the last time something went wrong in your life and how communication played a role.

Have you ever been working away at a project and things beyond your control begin to go awry? Your client, colleague, employee or boss is left in the lurch and his or her expectations are not being met. Yikes! When actions fall short of expectations, that can really hurt a relationship. The key to pulling this situation out of its downward spiral is communication.

I had a taste of that a few years back when I was flying from Toronto to Ottawa with Porter Airlines, a small commuter outfit. This is a great, friendly airline with personable staff members who are very service-oriented. This proved true on this day in question.

After traveling from the United States and getting only a couple hours of sleep, I was anxious to complete the last leg of my journey and get home. You can imagine my disappointment when the announcement came over the speakers that my flight was delayed – again. Two delays in as many hours. Was I disappointed? Yes. Was I angry? No.

Why wasn't I upset at this string of delays, you ask? There was one thing that made the difference in my reaction -- communication. Instead of leaving us in the dark wondering what was happening, Porter Airlines consistently and promptly told us about the delays as soon as they knew them. They announced that the flight was late and this was followed by frequent updates on the situation.

COMMUNICATION TIP: Bad times require good communications.

OK, so maybe Porter’s free cappuccinos, buttery shortbreads and courtesy newspapers took the edge off what could have been an upsetting circumstance (I love those cookies!). It was, however, Porter's masterful updating and communication that made an otherwise angering moment, pretty tolerable. Once I understood and felt in the proverbial loop, I could plan accordingly. I settled myself in at one of their courtesy WiFi computers and got a bunch of work done. Knowing the status, timelines and what to expect made all the difference... even when those variables changed.

A similar incident happened in another leg of my journey with Jet Blue -- another example of good communication when things don't go exactly as expected. We were flying through a rough patch and the plane pitched. Just then, the chirp of the pilot’s bell chimed and was followed by the pilot announcing what was happening. He explained that the turbulence was normal and how long it would last. It was his tone, his air of control, his measured pace that told us as much as his words did, that everything would be alright. With this communication, he allayed our concerns, let us know he was in charge, and demonstrated that he understood our concern and need-to-know what was happening before we even felt compelled to ask.

Does your boss keep you informed when your organization hits a bumpy spell? Do you let your colleagues, clients, employees and boss know what's happening and what you're doing to control it when things go a little off track? Do you allay concerns and proactively provide reassuring information before people feel compelled to ask? If not, consider the other person's perspective and provide a brief "it'll be OK, and why" update.They will appreciate it, and you for doing it.

I’m reminded of the stock market crash over the past few years. My mother’s financial adviser proactively provided market summaries and explanations to all his clients, quelling their queries much more so than had he remained silent. It didn’t change the uncertainty of the market. It didn't change the situation and plummeting stock values. What it did do, however, was assure his clients that he was engaged and aware of their concerns. He validated his clients by responding by filling the black void with information.

For anyone who has lived through organizational restructuring (and who hasn’t?), you will know how important communication is to the employee team and all stakeholders. A Director General from a large government department recently confided in me that he was discouraged about a lack of communication plans being developed to advise employees of imminent departmental changes. He felt his concerns fell upon deaf ears. Another agency I know has been struggling with transformation without communication. It seems the “Chief of Transformation” doesn’t think letting employees in on the situation is worth the effort. Dead wrong.

Here's the lesson: during times of great upheaval, whether due to external forces or initiated by the organization itself, it's time to communicate to those being affected. A “no surprises” philosophy is a productive and compassionate one. Fill the void with information because otherwise, it will be filled with fear and rumors.

When Porter Air was delayed, it wasn’t those cute little pillbox hats that I admired (though they are admitted unbelievably cute) – it was the communication. It made a difference, and if you communicate when it's critical, especially when things go bad, you'll make a good difference too.

PS: Want communication tips for your NEXT JOB INTERVIEW? Get ready to communicate "The Best You at a Job Interview".

© 2012 Marion Grobb Finkelstein
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communication specialist, author, professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they communicate. Chat with her at www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks and sign up for her FREE weekly "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

Giving Feedback

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 20:58:00 GMT

When was the last time you gave feedback? You likely have lots of occasions for you to do so. It could be during employee performance appraisals. Or perhaps your boss is asking for your input on a project or concept? Maybe your client is requesting your decision on several creative concepts and wants your input to proceed. All these scenarios require your response ... and feedback.

When feedback is good, it's easy to give, though many people don't bother. When you get great support from your boss, or when a colleague or client bends over backward to get you something your requested by a tight deadline, do you offer feedback? Do you take a moment to acknowledge the effort and expertise?

Are people forgetting to give feedback?

I've noticed a disturbing trend and I'm wondering if you've noticed it too. When you do something above and beyond, do you hear back from the lucky recipient? Do you get feedback? If not, it could be just because the person doesn't realize how important it is to do so. What is looks like is complete disinterest. Providing feedback and response shows you're engaged.

I recently contacted a client to drop off a thank you gift for some business I had done with him. I followed that up with a hand-written thank you card in the mail, then a final report summarizing the session. On all three occasions, I got no feedback or response. Nothing, zip, rien. OK, a "thank you" would have been nice, but I really wasn't expecting that. What I did expect was a courteous acknowledgement of receipt of some sort, and most certainly feedback on the final report, especially as what I provided was above what had been requested. Was he pleased?

Because this behavior of "no response, no feedback" is not unique to that particular client, I wonder if people are forgetting the importance of giving feedback. Or maybe it's not so much feedback as professional courtesies. Have you noticed that too?

If you've found yourself stumped on how to give feedback, here's two keys that may unlock the mystery for you.

Take a tip from the President of Toastmasters International about giving feedback

Are you a Toastmaster or have you ever heard of Toastmasters? If so, you may be familiar with the name "Chris Ford". Chris was the 2007-08 President of Toastmaster International. I'm fortunate to know Chris on several levels. He's a colleague, founding member of my Toastmasters Club, and I'm privileged to call him my friend. (PS: I also know him as someone who makes a killer martini ;o)

A number of years ago, Chris gave us a tip at our Toastmasters meeting that I've never forgotten. He was talking about giving feedback and evaluations of speeches, a regular practice at Toastmasters meetings. The principles apply to any instance where you're providing feedback. He said there are two keys to giving feedback, and these are:

Let the person know what they can do to improve
Leave them feeling better for having heard it.

Next time you find yourself with an opportunity to give feedback, do it! Not only will it help to hone your communication skills, if you do it right, you'll likely be helping the other person too.

PS: have some feedback about this article? Feel free to post it below.

Are you planning a conference, employee gathering or management retreat and looking for presenters? I'd love to submit a proposal for your consideration. Please contact me Marion@MarionSpeaks.com

Leap into Communications

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 21:34:00 GMT

Happy Leap Year! Tomorrow you get a precious extra day in the year. A whole 24 hours to do with as you please.

How are you going to use that extra time to change how you communicate?

What aspect of your communications would you like to hone? What's really getting under your skin - not about how others communicate, but rather, about how YOU communicate? What is it about your own communication that you would like to change? Think about it this way ...

What is it about your communication that is not serving you well?

Maybe you're not getting the results you want. Maybe people aren't responding the way you'd like them to. Unfortunately, "those people" aren't changing any time soon. There's only one person you can change, and that's you. The magic happens when you change, others change how they respond, and the whole communication dynamic between you changes. Tomorrow you have a whole extra day to change your dance steps, how you communicate and by extension, your relationship with others.

What's going to be your Leap Year resolution?

What is it about your communication that you're going to dedicate tomorrow to changing, practicing, honing? Tomorrow, you get an extra day, a freebie, a bonus. It's in your hands to decide the difference a day makes.

Planning a conference, employee gathering or management retreat and looking for presenters? I'd love to submit a proposal for your consideration. Please contact me Marion@MarionSpeaks.com

© 2012 Marion Grobb Finkelstein
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communication catalyst, author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they communicate. Get weekly hands-on tips by signing up for "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

Facing the Chicken Within

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 21:19:00 GMT

Sometimes communications can be scary. Maybe a certain person intimidates you. Or perhaps you've been asked to talk on a subject you know little about. Or you have zero time to prepare. Whatever the reason, there are moments we all experience hesitation before we speak. If there’s a call you need to make, or someone you want to connect with but feel frightened to do so, here’s a tip gleaned from a chapter, “Facing the Chicken Within” penned by me and my sister, Joan Grobb Augustino, fellow author, trainer and professional speaker (www.coreperformancegroup.com)

Push to peak performance: When we’re frightened, we get that little jolt of adrenaline. Channel that energy to your performance -- don't waste it on nerves. Let F-E-A-R stand for “face, embrace and replace” fear with action. Pick up that phone and call who you need to call. Use that adrenalin to add energy to your voice and move yourself to action.

Fear doesn’t need to hold you back. In fact, if you listen to your chicken within, it can push you ahead and point you to areas of great growth. So get out there, and start communicating with pluck!

Begin small. Think of one tiny communication challenge you are afraid of doing and what a difference it would make in your life. Imagine if you spoke with authority, communicated assertively, developed instant rapport with others. Whatever communication goal you have, take a small step in that direction. Make it tiny and not time-consuming so you will be sure to do it. Return that phone call you've been ignoring. Go for coffee and nuture informal communications. Try saying a couple words in a new language ... in front of people. Make it bite-size, make it real, make it yours. Face, embrace and replace fear, with action. Even if that action begins as a small one.

PS: if you're interested in learning more about facing YOUR chicken within, check out that and all my upcoming and past webinars available to help you in 60-minute power hours http://www.marionspeaks.com/marions-products/webinars/webinar-singles

Communicate with Energy

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 21:03:00 GMT

I often tell my clients that people can't read your mind, only your actions. No one can possibly know what you are thinking until you actually say it, or what you want to do until you do it. They only know and remember the things you say or do. Now here's the rub: they don't know the motivation or reasoning behind your actions, they only know your actions.

You show what you value by how you spend your resources, and your most valuable of resources is time.

How you spend your time, and who you spend it on, communicates volumes.

When you reach out to someone else, the results can be remarkable. It's great fun to connect with someone you love being with, someone who makes you laugh and makes you feel valued and alive. You enjoy working with him or her, so you tend to reach out more than to someone who's tough to work with. It's difficult to reach out to those who are prickly. Chances are you work with a few of those people (admit it - you thought of someone in particular, didn't you?). Or even more trying, perhaps you're related to one.

I was traveling recently and seated at a table with a fellow I considered to be a bit of a know-it-all. He regaled us with demonstrations of his acerbic wit. He engaged in conversations without acknowledging the validity of others' viewpoints. In short, he was a conversation bully. My inclination was to shoot back, to argue with him, to dislike him, his opinions, and what I believed he stood for.

Instead, what I did was reach out to connect.

How, you ask? With a technique I've found to be exceptionally effective. I've used it at meetings, with clients, and in my personal life, and I invite you to use it the next time you encounter someone who you find difficult. This technique requires practice and discipline, and it works.

If you have a certain someone in mind, someone with whom you don't quite see eye to eye, picture them right now and do this exercise. When you see him or her next time, do this exercise again, in person.

Use the "camera technique" to gain perspective.

Look at him or her objectively. Picture yourself as a camera person or a talk show host simply watching them communicate and observing the dynamics between all the parties. Focus on the process, how he or she is speaking, what gestures he or she is using. Find something, anything, no matter how small, that you find amusing or admirable. You might have to dig. Focus hard. Let that amusement fill your being and curl the corners of your lips. You genuinely admire and like that aspect of this person.

We're all package deals, collections of experiences and attitudes. Find something in the package of that person you authentically enjoy. Perhaps it's his or her vast knowledge (although this type of person may not know everything, he or she does know something. Admire that something). Or maybe it's the way they are able to respond so quickly (albeit with inappropriate response -- it's the speed and wit you appreciate). Perhaps you've noticed how they have an ability to bite their tongue when others would blurt out a response (though you'd love if they actually spoke up every now and then).

Identify something you authentically admire.

Building on that positive point, no matter how small, picture that positive feeling welling up inside you to the point of overflow. Pick whatever color this feeling is to you, then imagine yourself being empty and filling with this color as it completely fills and envelopes you. This color is so large it begins to reach out with a long rubbery arm to embrace the person of your attention. Wrap him or her in this blanket of color, let it wash over and surround him or her. Focus on something positive about this person, and let the feeling flow.

Energy is a fact of science. You emit and receive energies of various types, both positive and negative. You likely use expressions involving energy, such as, "we're on the same wavelength", "he gives me good vibes", or "she's really tuned in to the issues". Your energy is your resource. You can choose to channel and use it to connect with others.

When you're in your workplace or dealing with clients (or even family members), you'll have plenty of opportunity to put this technique to practice. It has helped turn many what-could-be irritating people into somewhat amusing characters. This exercise will help you connect with 99% of people ... even with the nasties you may work with, serve or be related to. Go ahead and color your world.

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What to Say When You Don't Know What to Say

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 15:50:00 GMT

Do you ever find yourself at a loss for words? Someone shoots a comment in your direction and you’d love to retort. The only problem is, you have no idea how to reply with a snappy comeback. Here's what you can do ...

Use “planned spontaneity”.

What exactly is “planned spontaneity”? It's a term I coined and define as a response that is planned ahead and delivered in such a way that it looks impromptu (and incredibly witty).

The beauty of this approach is that it gives you time to think in advance what you want to say and never be caught off guard and dumbfounded again. It removes the frustration of looking back at a situation with regret because two weeks too late you came up with the perfect response. It lowers stress and increases confidence with your communications because you know you are prepared to react to a situation should it arise. You might be asking, “How do I prepare for planned spontaneity?” Here’s the answer...

STEP 1: identify the scenarios that most often catch you off guard.

Think about your communications over the past couple weeks, months or year. What circumstances left you regrettably speechless?

Whatever the situation that left you wishing you had a witty and appropriate retort, if it’s happening frequently enough that you can think of several occasions when it really hurt, it may be worth recognizing this recurring pattern, the stress it evokes, and doing something about it. If you can’t see a pattern offhand, wait until next time you find yourself wishing you had a snappy response and then ask yourself if you’ve experienced a similar situation before. If the frequency and the discomfort is high enough, it may serve you well to invest some time and energy in step 2, below.

STEP 2: plan in advance what you’re going to say

In the quiet of your own time and space, explore options of how you could present your viewpoint while still being respectful. Brainstorm various responses with your end result in mind. What could you say that would honor your true feelings, represent you well and possibly help the other person for having heard it?

If you’re stumped and have no idea how to construct a wonderfully witty retort, become a student of human behavior and learn from others. Watch people in similar situations; see how they respond. If it works for them, consider adopting their approach. Watch TV and movie shows with an eye to inspiration. If the characters find themselves in situations like you do, how well does their response work? If it feels right and fits for you, give it a shot. Talk to trusted friends or colleagues to brainstorm constructive and productive ways to respond. At minimum, you’ll have a laugh coming up with ideas and beginning with the most outlandish responses (you can then refine them to a professional, tuned down version that will preserve your personal brand and professionalism).

Here are a couple examples...

In my world of professional speaking and training, there are situations that occur quite often that I used to squirm about. My original reaction was one of embarrassment or being completely stumped, shocked and speechless. With time, I identified a pattern and realized that these situations occurred with a degree of frequency. So, instead of being caught by surprise, I use the techniques above and prepared responses. Take a peek – perhaps you’ve experienced these same situations or maybe the responses I use could work for you too.

SITUATION:	RESPONSE:
You trip up on words during a presentation	“Yup, that’s right ... I’m a communications expert”, OR “Just washed my mouth and can’t do a thing with it” OR “Easy for me to say”
A technology snafu	“Technology is great ... when it works”, OR (when I was speaking at an IT conference) “Boy, am I in the right room to get help!”
You stumble over a chord or take a misstep	“Ladies, I’m a professional – please don’t try this at home on your own” OR, “Can anyone save me from myself?”, OR “Have you ever had one of those days?”

What’s your most recent situation where you found yourself tongue-tied and unable to come up with a witty response? I’d love to hear ... and maybe even offer a suggestion or two.

All the scenarios I've described above have actually happened to me and these are the real responses I’ve used. They work -- I know that, because they've worked for me time and time again, and your planned responses will work for you too. If they don't at first, you can refine them until they do.

You will have your own situations and come up with your own responses that fit your audience and your style. A suggestion you may find useful, is to poke fun at yourself with self-deprecating humor. Or, if it’s a common situation that everyone has lived (like the technology failure), mention it! Each person in the room will relate to your situation and you – and that’s how you connect with others.

Give “planned spontaneity” a shot, and you’ll find yourself less stressed, more confident, and able to laugh at the situation instead of fretting about it. Everyone will wonder how the heck you come up with amazingly witty, off-the-cuff replies. I promise, I won’t tell ;o)

PS: Want more hands-on communication tips for the workplace? Join me for my THIRD THURSDAY monthly webinars http://www.marionspeaks.com/marions-products/webinars/webinar-singles

© 2012 Marion Grobb Finkelstein
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communication catalyst, author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they communicate. Get weekly hands-on tips by signing up for "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

Ask for What You Need

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 20:02:00 GMT

Last year I was coaching a team and sharing results from a "rate our team" questionnaire I'd developed and that they had filled in. When rating their areas where they wanted to improve, the number one thing that popped up was, "learning how to ask for help". That was an eye-opener for many around the table.

Asking for help is tough, isn't it? You may fear appearing incompetent. You don't want people to think you were a big fake and don't know something they figure you should (PS: you're not a fake at all - no one knows everything). We keep on telling yourself, "everyone else seems to cope, why can't I?". Well, here's a light-bulb moment ... people who ask for help often get it. Those who don't, suffer silently (or worse yet, not so silently).

Here's some tips on how you can ask for help effectively next time you feel you need it. Give them a try.

TIPS ON ASKING FOR HELP:

DON'T WHINE. No one wants to hear the "oh poor me" story.
- Present the details factually. Remove the emotion -- that doesn't mean remove the "human impact". By all means, include that, as it's a vital part of the business case. Avoid being emotional yourself when you describe it.
MAKE THEM LOOK GOOD. Tell these people what's in it for THEM if they help you.
- When you present to decision-makers, think about the outcome of what you're suggesting, and link it to how this outcome will make them look good. Once they have a vested interested, bingo -- you've got them hooked. Now they're listening.
MAKE IT A TRIAL. When you're asking for a commitment, make it bite-size. It's easier for someone to commit to a short-term, low-investment idea. It lowers their risk factor and feels more comfortable.
- This really works. Some time ago, I had a boss who refused to approve me hiring an administrative assistant. My team and I were being pulled away from core duties and drowning in all the administrative burden. My several requests to hire help fell upon deaf ears. Finally, a colleague suggested to me to hire a "term". The idea of a 6-month commitment was way easier to sell and the very first time I pitched this idea, my boss approved it. After the six months, it became obvious that the admin help was priceless (as every great admin person knows) and what began as a temporary fix became a permanent solution. Asking for a smaller commitment was instrumental in getting what we needed.
BE BLATANT. Subtlety is wasted on most people. Know exactly what you need and ask for it.
- One weekend a friend called saying that she was bringing over a few rented movies. She mentioned in passing that it was the last night of her high school's year-end play. After dinner, I asked if she wanted to watch the movie and she again, casually mentioned the play. Upon prodding, poking and probing on my part (eeks, too much work!), I managed to extract from her that she had really wanted to see that play. Unfortunately, it was too late in the night, the play was already started and it was too late for her to speak up. Her hedging around the bush and using indirect communications resulted in frustration and disappointment on both our parts.

You deserve to have your needs heard and met and the first step to that, is giving them a voice.

Public Speaking for Chickens

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 17:54:00 GMT

Public Speaking for Chickens

Want to know a secret that will catapult your career or business? Learn how to speak in public.

Picture yourself managing a project. Your boss asks you to give an update at the staff meeting, or higher yet, at a board of directors meeting. This is your big chance. Or maybe you own a biz and you've been asked to speak to an audience chockablock full of potential clients. Wow, what an opportunity! The only thing between you and you having amazing impact on your biz, is your fear of public speaking.

"Give presentations" is one of the proven tips I share in my "Raising your profile (and adding value) in the Workplace" session. Presenting in front of clients, colleagues, bosses and employees positions you as the pro you are. When delivered with finesse and polish, public speaking shouts volumes of your professionalism ... and it shines the spotlight squarely on YOU and your expertise.

TIP: Give presentations to raise your profile (and add value) in the workplace.

I received an email recently from a woman in Michigan. She was interested in learning how to quell her fear of public speaking. She was smart because, as a small biz owner, she recognized the benefits of giving presentations to groups, conferences and venues that gathered her target audience. What was stopping her was her fear. She's not alone.

Do you ever suffer from cottonmouth, sweaty palms and shortness of breath when you stand in front of a group and speak? If you don't, wait - it’ll happen at some point, and when it does, here’s a few tips to keep your fears in check and face your chicken within:

Tips to tame the chicken within before you do a presentation:

Meet and Greet: Nothing calms nerves like getting to chat with as many audience members in advance as you can. Then, when you deliver your speech or presentation, you’re not talking to a group of strangers – you’re talking to individuals you’ve already met.
No one wants to hear a lousy speech: Tell yourself that every single person in that audience wants to be wowed (who wouldn’t?). Their mindset is already on your side. They’re cheering for you.
Serve your audience: Believe that your message is valuable to your audience, that you are imparting information they need to know or from which they will benefit. It’s all about service.

You have limited energy, so decide where you want to spend it.

If you let it all leak out through nerves, you'll have very little energy left to give your audience. Instead, consciously channel it to serve your audience and to get your message across. You are simply a vehicle for that message. If you're nervous about speaking in public, focus your mind and energies away from yourself and turn to the needs of your audience. What information do you have that someone else needs? Figure that out and how you can provide what they're looking for, and you're halfway there.

Face your chicken within, learn how to public speak and prepare to see your career and biz fly high.

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How to Build Trust and Engage Employees

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 15:03:00 GMT

How to Build Trust and Engage Employees

Do you trust your boss? Your colleagues? Your employees? Do they trust you?

It was about 15 years ago I learned a lesson about trust. At the time, I was a newly appointed Director of Communication and Promotions and just getting to know my employee team. One of my employees was named Debbie (not her real name) and she was responsible for purchasing ads and developing certain promo campaigns for our national organization. I believe that I gave her lots of room to grow and try new things (that's typically my approach as a boss). Perhaps her perception was different(?). Whenever I asked Debbie to explain her rationale underpinning her campaigns, she responded with, "Trust me".

Trust her? I didn't even know her. I didn't know her modus operandi, her track record, or how her brain worked. We had no history together. All I had to go on was the numbers and the logic behind her actions. Without her explaining them to me, I didn't know what they were because, as I often say ...

People can't read your mind, only your actions.

You communicate what you think by the words you use and the actions you do. When I was asking Debbie to share with me what was in her mind so I could better understand (and explain to my boss) her actions, her "trust me" response didn't feel right. It gave me nothing solid I could share with senior management in a board meeting. It took me some time, perhaps years of reflection, to figure out why it didn't fit. This is what I discovered ...

Building trust takes time.

The reason why it takes time is because with time, you build history. With history, you can step back and see patterns. You come to know who is reliable or not. Who does what they say they're going to do and who doesn't. And that's the key right there that builds trust. Here it is, and it's so simple, it may shock you:

A SECRET TO BUILDING TRUST IS THIS -- Do what you say you're going to do.

That's it.. That's all. It's as simple as that. Just do what you say you're going to do. Although it may be simple, rest assured - it's not always easy. Life happens, things get in the way. You might commit to doing something out of obligation or guilt and lose your momentum before you actually do whatever it was you said you would. Another project may be pulling you away. You might be sick with the flu and lose several days. There are lots of reasons people don't do what they say they're going to do. You don't have to be one of those people.

Instead, you can choose to flip that behavior around and commit to what you know you will do, and do what you commit to. When you do, you will not only build trust -- you will also distinguish yourself from anyone else, including the competition. You will make yourself stand out, and trust me (LOL), people will take notice.

This simple and pure action builds trust because it's so rare -- a rather sad comment on human behavior. It is, however, a wonderful opportunity for you.

Want more tips on how to build trust?

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This one tip of "do what you say you're going to do" to build trust can change your relationships, engage your employees and rock your world. And that's just ONE TIP! There are literally DOZENS more I'll be sharing this week in this Thursday's webinar, "How to Engage Your Employees (Let the Courtship Begin)", 19 January 2012 @2pm EST (don't worry if you're not available at that time - you get a weblink to a recording).

If you have employees, this is a session you can put to use immediately. If you'd like to have employees and be a boss, this session will help to prepare you. If you are an employee and work with colleagues or volunteers, share these tips with your boss! Once you know how to measure the degree of engagement and how to increase it, you will positively increase your team's productivity.

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