Marion's Communication Tips

Last year I was coaching a team and sharing results from a "rate our team" questionnaire I'd developed and that they had filled in. When rating their areas where they wanted to improve, the number one thing that popped up was, "learning how to ask for help". That was an eye-opener for many around the table.

Asking for help is tough, isn't it? You may fear appearing incompetent. You don't want people to think you were a big fake and don't know something they figure you should (PS: you're not a fake at all - no one knows everything). We keep on telling yourself, "everyone else seems to cope, why can't I?". Well, here's a light-bulb moment ... people who ask for help often get it. Those who don't, suffer silently (or worse yet, not so silently).

Here's some tips on how you can ask for help effectively next time you feel you need it. Give them a try.

TIPS ON ASKING FOR HELP:

• DON'T WHINE. No one wants to hear the "oh poor me" story.
  • Present the details factually. Remove the emotion -- that doesn't mean remove the "human impact". By all means, include that, as it's a vital part of the business case. Avoid being emotional yourself when you describe it.
• MAKE THEM LOOK GOOD. Tell these people what's in it for THEM if they help you.
  • When you present to decision-makers, think about the outcome of what you're suggesting, and link it to how this outcome will make them look good. Once they have a vested interested, bingo -- you've got them hooked. Now they're listening.
• MAKE IT A TRIAL. When you're asking for a commitment, make it bite-size. It's easier for someone to commit to a short-term, low-investment idea. It lowers their risk factor and feels more comfortable.
  • This really works. Some time ago, I had a boss who refused to approve me hiring an administrative assistant. My team and I were being pulled away from core duties and drowning in all the administrative burden. My several requests to hire help fell upon deaf ears. Finally, a colleague suggested to me to hire a "term". The idea of a 6-month commitment was way easier to sell and the very first time I pitched this idea, my boss approved it. After the six months, it became obvious that the admin help was priceless (as every great admin person knows) and what began as a temporary fix became a permanent solution. Asking for a smaller commitment was instrumental in getting what we needed.
• BE BLATANT. Subtlety is wasted on most people. Know exactly what you need and ask for it.
  • One weekend a friend called saying that she was bringing over a few rented movies. She mentioned in passing that it was the last night of her high school's year-end play. After dinner, I asked if she wanted to watch the movie and she again, casually mentioned the play. Upon prodding, poking and probing on my part (eeks, too much work!), I managed to extract from her that she had really wanted to see that play. Unfortunately, it was too late in the night, the play was already started and it was too late for her to speak up. Her hedging around the bush and using indirect communications resulted in frustration and disappointment on both our parts.

You deserve to have your needs heard and met and the first step to that, is giving them a voice.

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life,
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
COMMUNICATION CATALYST
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks  

© 2012 Marion Grobb Finkelstein
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communication catalyst, author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they communicate. Get weekly hands-on tips by signing up for "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

I often get emails from people asking some excellent communication-related questions. Many of you are likely wondering the same things, so I'll be responding to these questions from time to time via my "Marion's Communication Tips" enewsletter. If you have a question or communication challenge you'd like to share, drop me a line at Marion@MarionSpeaks.com and you might be featured in a future edition. (PS: I use first names only and always ask permission to use your story first. I also may take a few editing liberties to shorten the text). And now, on to this week's question ...

QUESTION: "Marion, your recent newsletter about (the importance of) response times brought a flood of instances to mind where I was less than prompt getting back to clients. I met with a client the other day -- 10 days after our initial contact. Files just pile up, not to mention having to act as team lead and fill in extra shifts while co-workers were on holiday. I find myself having to make excuses for why I haven't contacted people sooner. I suppose the right thing to do would have been to take a few minutes to let her know I hadn't forgotten about her."
Signed, Overwhelmed in Edmonton  

MARION'S RESPONSE:
Dear Overwhelmed, you are not alone. It seems everyone these days is expected to do more with less. The proverbial "fat" has been cut so severely in some organizations, that the powers that be have succeeded in cutting into muscle. It's difficult to live in an environment of increasing expectations and reduced resources. And this type of workplace defintely puts a strain on how we communicate. Stress always does. So here's some tips:

• MANAGE EXPECTATIONS -- BEGIN WITH YOURS. You can only do what you can do. Even the most organized and productive person has a breaking point. Know what your boundaries are and when you're approaching them, then tell yourself it's OK to admit that you're human. Set challenging and reasonable goals for yourself and allow yourself some breathing and "contingency" room to get things done.
• MANAGE EXPECTATIONS -- THEIRS. Once you know what your timelines and boundaries are, communicate that to the person waiting for your response. They might not like being told that you'll be getting back to them next week instead of tomorrow. They might even be upset and disappointed. Even this is better than them thinking you're responding tomorrow and them getting more angry by the day when you don't respond for a week. As difficult as it may be, explain the reality. No communication at all is a void, and if you don't fill it with information and expectation, the client will fill it with anxiety, anger and disappointment. And those emotions destroy relationships ... and business.
• MEET EXPECTATIONS -- BOTH OF YOURS. Now that you've set the expectations, make sure you meet them. When you say you're going to do something, do it. It's as simple as that. That's how you build credibility and distinguish yourself from the competition. Much better to have a client, colleague, boss or employee dealing with a realistic expectation and you meeting it, than just thinking you're not responding at all. It lowers the stress for both of you.

For the past month or so, I've been shopping for "just the right" couch. I finally found one last week. It was the right colour (well, OK, it's a tad darker than I'd like -- life is full of compromises, right?), the right size (maybe just a smidgen too large, though it still fits), the right price (hey, leather's expensive so a higher price is justifiable, isn't it?) ... and then the delivery date. What?! Eight to ten weeks? Are you kidding me?

At first, I couldn't believe the lengthy waiting period. We have already sold our old couches and are watching TV in the rec room downstairs while our upstairs family room is being renovated. As nostalgic as this "college dorm" look is, I wasn't planning on two and a half months of this. Then the salesman said something that made a lot of sense. He explained, "Most other furniture places will tell you they'll deliver in 6 to 8 weeks, but that's just not so. We tell people 8 to 10 weeks, because that's what it really is. And if you get it early, bonus."

He was absolutely right. Now I know that we'll be a couple months without our furniture and I'm planning on using that time to paint, refinish the floors, and choose accessories. In other words -- he communicated a realistic situation and managed my expectations. I, in turn, am grateful to him for being upfront. You can use this same technique with your clients and work mates. I think this approach sets that furniture company apart from many others. You can position yourself uniquely too, just by being upfront about managing expectations.

When you find yourself overwhelmed and simply unable to respond when you (or they) hoped, let the people know. You deserve to be relieved of undue stress and your client deserves an answer, if only to advise them when you'll respond in full. That's managing expectations, stress, and relationships. Allow yourself some breathing room and keep others up to date. Now, that's worth communicating.

WHERE ON EARTH IS MARION? In addition to communication coaching and consulting, here's where I'm presenting in the next few months. If you're attending, let me know! Or if I'm coming to your area and your organization is interested in receiving communication training, just drop me a line at Marion@MarionSpeaks.com :   June 8, 2011: OMSSA (Ottawa, Ont) June 15, 2011: Vitalize (Edmonton, Alberta) July 27: IAAP Education Forum and Annual Meeting (Montreal, Quebec)

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life!
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author

www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks  

© 2011 Marion Grobb Finkelstein
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communications expert, author, professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve their businesses and their lives by improving their communications. Chat with her Facebook www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks  or sign up for her FREE weekly e-newsletter "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

 

My mother has taught me many lessons throughout my life, some knowingly and some without her consciously being aware she was teaching. One of the biggest lessons I learned was that life's a gamble.

When was the last time you took a risk, stepped out of your comfort zone and experienced great uncertainty? Perhaps you're in a new job, engaged to be married, or trying an avant-garde medical procedure. In whatever direction your life is headed, it's your decisions, risks, and gambles that are leading you there.

You can't control what life rolls in your direction, you can, however, control the way you respond, so why not stack the deck in your favor? Here's a few strategies that will help you do exactly that.

• Ask questions.

Knowing how to ask the right questions of the right people can help you make informed decisions and increase your odds of success. It can also shorten a steep and expensive learning curve. Think about who has information you could use, and then go ask them for it.

• Build on your experience.

With every gamble you take, you learn. You discover what works, and perhaps more importantly, what doesn't. As your knowledge, experience, and contact lists grow, so too does your confidence. You are in a better position to take a gamble because you know that you have the skills to make informed choices.

• Know your comfort zone.

When I worked in Reno, Nevada, a colleague told me a tip I will never forget. It's helped guide me in making decisions and in taking risks (or not). He said, "Never gamble more than you're prepared to lose". That doesn't mean never gamble - it means, take your chances with eyes wide open and be willing to live with the worst case scenario. If you can't, then that risk is not for you.

Winners understand that the roll of the dice is random. Sometimes you win, and sometimes - unfairly and even though all logic would suggest otherwise - you lose. Bad things just happen. Winners get that fact. They realize that life will deal them hands that aren't fair. It's not personal and it does not devalue them. It's not justice, it just is.

Life really is a gamble. So grab your cards, roll the dice, and let the games begin.

PS: lf you are planning a conference or retreat and need an uplifting message for your team, this "Life's a Gamble" keynote fits the bill. Let's talk.

PPS: Come see this article posted and add your comments on my Facebook page at www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks Let's chat in between e-newsletters.

 

Until next time,

Better communication, better business, better life,

Marion Grobb Finkelstein

Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author

www.MarionSpeaks.com

Marion@MarionSpeaks.com

 

Recipient of APEX "Award for Leadership in Service Innovation"

Marion@MarionSpeaks.com

www.MarionSpeaks.com

613-983-TALK (8255)

• ·Marion is a contributing author to "Award-Winning Finalist USA BOOK NEWS Non-Fiction: Anthologies" book, "The Power of the Platform: Speakers on Success", featuring 21 authors including Jack Canfield, Brian Tracy and Tana Goertz. See http://www.marionspeaks.com/bk-popsuccess_70.html   

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