Marion's Communication Tips

Marion Grobb Finkelstein offers practical, proven and powerful communication tips you can put to use in the workplace. She'll help you increase morale, confidence and productivity by changing the way you communicate. You'll have communication tools to connect with colleagues, clients, employees and bosses... fast!

What to Do When You Feel Unsupported

by Marion Grobb Finkelstein, 0 Comments

Do you ever have difficulty dealing with a bad situation? Are you spending a lot of time and energy defending your position, opinion or suggestions? Or maybe you feel picked on, outnumbered and not supported. ...more

Do you work with positive -- or positively NEGATIVE -- people?

by Marion Grobb Finkelstein, 0 Comments

Maybe you're one of the few people who love all your workmates. If not, you're in the majority. ...more

When in Pain, Hang on Tight

by Marion Grobb Finkelstein, 0 Comments

I remember my mom telling me a story that I think of during difficult times. It happened years ago when we were just infants. ...more

Are YOU Doing This One Thing That DISconnects With Clients?

by Marion Grobb Finkelstein, 0 Comments

This past week I experienced an incident that got me thinking about customer service and how people connect or disconnect with others. ...more

It's All in the Timing

by Marion Grobb Finkelstein, 0 Comments

As I type this, I'm at the Calgary Airport enroute to a speak at a conference in Regina. With the time changes, it was a bit of a challenge catching the early morning flight. Waking at 3am is not my strong point. ...more

Stop Complaining, Start Creating

by Marion Grobb Finkelstein, (Disabled) Comments

In the early 1990s, I worked in Reno, Nevada doing the marketing and media relations for the airport. It was a wonderful opportunity and I learned many lessons I still use today and share in my speeches and training sessions. I learned about the type of person, boss and colleague I want to be as well as what I definitely don't want to be. One of the gifts I enjoyed most, was the lifelong friendships that began in this “The Biggest Little City in the World”.

I had a colleague in Reno who did the marketing for one of the local casinos. He was full of expressions, experience and useful advice and he used to often say to people, "Stop complaining, start creating". There's a lot of wisdom in those words, and almost two decades later, they still ring true to me.

Stop complaining, start creating.

I bet you know someone who seems to complain constantly, don't you? You're probably thinking of someone right now, Maybe it's a boss? A client? A colleague? An employee? Whoever it is complaining to you, bearing witness to it can be painful and irritating. It's not fun to be around someone who is a real downer, especially when they complain and do nothing to change the situation.

As I often remind others and myself, we can't change other people, we can only change how we respond to them. And how we respond and behave around them is underpinned by how we perceive them. So, I'd like to share a way to view complaints and complainers that may buy you some patience and a healthy appreciation, yes -- appreciation -- for their comments.

I invite you to think of a complaint as an unspoken request.

Think about it like this: COMPLAINT = REQUEST

Hidden beneath that whiny pitched, difficult comment, could actually be a request to change something. When someone is complaining about the project he or she is being asked to do, what that person might mean is that they love the work, just can't stand the workload. Another colleague is kvetching that he is constantly being overlooked for opportunities, when really what he wants to say and doesn't know how to enunciate is that he wants a chance to get the training he needs to compete.

What is it that you are really requesting?

What do you find yourself complaining about and what is it really that you're asking? The files dumped in a heap on the desk is what you mention, when really what you need is someone to understand that you want a break and some time off from the chains of administrative overload. You complain about a boss never saying "thank you" and really what you're saying is that you want to be acknowledged for your contribution and treated in a respectful manner.

Who are you saying it to?

A telltale sign of unproductive complaining is when someone is doing it to another person who has no power to change the situation at all. If you find yourself complaining, ask yourself if you're talking to someone who can help evoke positive change. If not, can this person actively brainstorm solutions with you? Or are they the unlucky recipient of you purging your negativity? Venting is fine, everyone does it sometime. The key is being selective about who you do it with -- think best friends, family members, confidantes. If it's results you're looking for, complain to someone who can do something about it and make sure it ultimately results in productive steps forward -- otherwise, you're just a whiner.

What you complain about communicates to others what you hold near and dear, what you value, and what you feel threatened about losing. Instead of painting yourself in a negative light, re-frame the complaint into a request. and flip the negativity into productive change.

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The Price of Being Super Critical

by Marion Grobb Finkelstein, (Disabled) Comments

Have you ever been told that you're too critical? That you find fault in everything? That you're "always negative"? If so, read on because you might be compromising more than you think. ...more

3 Signs that You're a Headache Client

by Marion Grobb Finkelstein, 2 Comments

When was the last time you were a client? Chances are it was very recently. Whenever you shop, you're a client. When you call a business for info, you're a client. When you ask a colleague for something, yup, you're a client there too.

Have you ever wondered what type of client you are?

How you communicate with those who you want to serve you affects the type of service you receive. Are you the type of client that draws the best out of service people or do you drive those serving you around the bend?

Here's some surefire, telltale signs that you just might be a dreaded "headache client":

SIGN #1: YOU DON'T RESPOND. When someone is serving you and requires information, if you are slow to provide it and don't respond at all, you become part of the problem. They can't help you without you helping yourself. Even if you don't know the answer, have the courtesy to let them know that.

SIGN #2: YOU PESTER. Browbeating the service or product provider for excessive information, grilling them relentlessly and multiple times on the same issue that they've already responded to, requesting draft and draft after draft of a document rewrite, requiring inordinate amounts of their time before a contract agreement is even signed, and constantly challenging the provider's expertise may serve to get you at the bottom of the service list, not the top. You're too high maintenance. Be organized and don't expect the provider to spoon feed or babysit you.

SIGN #3: YOU EXPECT THE PROVIDER TO CHANGE ALL THEIR SYSTEMS JUST BECAUSE IT'S YOU. Every company, organization or individual has a certain way "of doing things". So does your provider. Find a middle ground, create options. For example, instead of making the provider wait 30 days or more for payment (your norm) versus their usual payment upon delivery, how about walking the invoice to your finance people and making sure that payment is issued before the 30 day max instead of at the end?

If you recognize yourself in any of these points, take heart -- it means you're human! We all are less than ideal clients sometimes. The good news is that now that you're aware of some telltale signs, perhaps you understand more the other perspective and are now willing to consider changing your behaviour.

Being a good, communicative, low-maintenance client is in your best interest as it assuredly increases your chances of receiving good service. And isn't that what you want and deserve? Probably as much as the supplier wants and deserves a great client.

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life,
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
COMMUNICATION CATALYST
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com

www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communication catalyst, author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein motivates and teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they communicate. Get weekly hands-on tips by signing up for "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

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Discourage Negativity in the Workplace

by Marion Grobb Finkelstein, 0 Comments

Do you work with some negatories? You know who I mean - people who are constantly focusing on the negative. Their glass is half empty, or worse yet, it's practically bone dry. No matter what the situation, they see only what they're losing and nothing of the gain. They live in a perpetual state of victimhood and they love to regale you with tales of how horrible it is. "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!", could be their motto.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. This only becomes problematic when someone's negative opinion begins to spill over everything ... and everyone ... in the workplace. Like a cancer, it can spread. So, what to do if you've been subject to this toxic attitude in your workplace?

In a recent article on a related subject, I suggested that you create an environment where it is so uncomfortable to be negative, that being so is discouraged. One of your MarionSpeaks community colleagues wanted to know more, and here's what she asked me ...

KAREN'S QUESTION TO MARION:

How do you make it uncomfortable? My 14 year old stepson lives in a negative world, focuses on the negative first, points out everything that is bad or wrong. We stop him and ask him to say 5 positive things about his day, etc. How do you make it uncomfortable to be negative?

MARION'S RESPONSE:

OK, let me start by saying, communicating with teens is not my specialty. That being said, I believe that solid communication principles would still apply. In the spirit of suggestion and giving-it-a-try, here's a few things you could try with a negative teen OR a negative client, colleague, boss or employee:

LET THEM VENT ... ONCE (OR LESS). Everyone complains sometimes. You have bad days just like the next person. The difference is that you don't dwell on them. You move forward. You can help your negative person do so too by firstly acknowledging and validating the loss or the hurt, like, "Gee Debbie, I can see how all that uncertainty would be stressful". Sometimes people just need a safe place to vent. They're not looking for a solution, just an outlet. This is what martinis with the girlfriends or beer and pizza with the guy friends is all about. Unfortunately, not everyone has such a circle of trusted confidantes and feel compelled to turn every person they meet into their sounding board. You don't need to be their audience, though allowing the "rule of 1" (they have ONE chance to vent with you), validates their concern - you don't need to agree, just acknowledge. Think of it as them confiding in you because they consider you a safe place. It's a perverse compliment that I'm quite sure you'd be pleased to live without, so thinking of it in these positive terms will help you tolerate it, once. Adopting this "rule of 1" approach will buy you a little more patience and will help them to let go and move forward. Here's the exception to the Rule of 1: if someone is constantly negative, and repeating themselves on the same subject, skip to the "solve" or "segue" technique below and apply it consistently.

HELP THEM SOLVE THE COMPLAINT. Let me clarify -- you don't solve the complaint; they do. If someone is mentioning an issue multiple times and not moving to action to resolve it, here's your chance to give a gentle nudge, to remind them that they have more power than they may realize, and that they have a choice. In any situation, you have 3 choices:

1) Accept the situation -- meaning you are completely, 100% OK with it in your heart and have no regrets or compunction to continue to discussing it

2) Change your behviour -- you can't change other people, just yourself. Change the way you respond to people or a situation and it changes the outcome.

3) Leave -- physically or figuratively, leave the situation. If you choose not to physically escape (say you're in school, can't stand your prof and need this final credit for your degree, so decide to stay and tough it out), you can decide to leave emotionally and not get pulled into the vortex of conflict or drama. I personally have voted with my feet and left organizations that no longer reflected my core values. Whether you stay or leave any situation is your choice. Soon as you understand that principal, it's empowering.

If your negative person is sounding like a broken record (LOL, there's a whole generation that won't know where that expression came from ... I'm showing my age!), ask them what they're doing to solve it. Choosing a supportive and non-confrontational language is critical. It could sound something like, "It sounds like those guys are putting you through the grills. You can't control their actions, so what could you do differently to get different results?". The point of this question is to demonstrate that they have more control and power than they may realize. Help them identify it, own it and for Pete's sake, put it to use.

SEGUE TO A DIFFERENT TOPIC. As a communicator, it's a very rare case when I advise people to walk away; this would be one of those cases. I don't mean be rude or abrupt. Rather, find a segue to a different topic, "Oh gee, that reminds me ...", or physically remove yourself from the situation, "Excuse me Susan, I'm on a time crunch, so I'm going to get back to my office and get that report done" or, "Tom, that's a tough one. Hey, did you hear about the new project ..." When your complainer sees that you are not their audience, that you will not give them and their complaints energy to bring them to life, they will (eventually) stop trying. You want to maintain the relationship, just get rid of the complaints.

SAY SOMETHING TO THEM. Sometimes subtlety is wasted. If you're spending energy stewing about the negative person and their attitude, if it's keeping you up at night, if you've tried all the steps above to no avail, it might be time to grab the bull by the horns and stare it down. Come from a place of love and support, not attack. Let them know that you value the relationship and the person. It could sound something like, "Betty, I can tell that this is a difficult time for you and everyone handles this type of situation differently. My concern is that us talking about it constantly is a downer and I don't want that negative energy to spill into our relationship. When you're ready to talk about solutions, you know I'm hear to help you. And there's other people who can help you too (Employee Assistance Program, Human Resources, your friends, family, etc.). You're a smart and strong person (NOTE: this compliment is genuine - think of something you admire about this person and tell them that so they can draw upon this strength to move forward)... that's why I know you'll get through this. I have every confidence that you'll figure this out." Them knowing that you're there for them, that there are options of people to help, that they have strengths to draw from -- these are all supportive, strong statements that will help them let go, move forward, and help you set boundaries.

Dealing with negative people is draining. It's no fun to walk into a workplace and be dowsed with negativity. Find solace in knowing that as much as negativity can spread, research suggests that a positive attitude is equally contagious. One of the reasons people change behaviour is when it becomes too painful to remain with status quo. Make it uncomfortable for negative attitudes to breed in your workplace and your life. It will make those twists and turns that life throws in your direction just a little more tolerable. Keep smiling -- not just because it feels good or that your mind can't recognize the difference between a real or fake smile (yes, your body will release feel-good drugs in either scenario) -- do it because you'll keep people guessing what you've been up to, LOL! Here's to glasses half full. Correction ... go ahead, and fill 'er up. Cheers.

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Your Happiness is All in Your Head

by Marion Grobb Finkelstein, 0 Comments

Wouldn't it be wonderful if you waved a magic wand and were immediately happy? Poof! Easy as that. Well, it might not be a wand, but ...

You already hold the key to happiness -- do you know how to unlock it?

The key is not something you own or anything you could buy. The key is not in your hand -- it's right between your ears. It's your brain and how you think, and that can unlock amazing rewards for you.

How you think affects the words you use; your words become your actions; then actions that are repeated become your habits. Your habits are what form your reputation. It all begins with your mindset.

Change how you think, change your life.

Here's the great thing about your thinking - YOU control it. You decide what to focus on, what to believe in and what to value. Only you determine your self-talk and what you tell yourself. When you do, are you kind and gentle with yourself or judgmental and impatient? Are you positive or negative?

When my clients hear me present on the subject of how to program your thinking to be more positive, they routinely come up after the presentation and tell me how much they appreciate this message. They regale me with tales of their negative workplaces, and they often say they wish that their whole team could hear this message.

Ironically, those who are most negative are often not in a frame of mind to consider change. So what to do about that? You're not going to change someone else's behavior; you just don't have that control over them, only over yourself. Here's what you can do ...

Create a work culture where negativity isn't tolerated.

Make it so uncomfortable for someone to be negative that being so isn't viable. It begins with you and your attitude and how you communicate with others. Foster communication with positive people and curb it with the negaholics.

How you communicate begins with how you think. So tell me, what do you think about that?

www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communication catalyst, author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein motivates and teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they communicate. Get weekly hands-on tips by signing up for "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

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