Marion's Communication Tips

OBLIVIOUS PEOPLE DRIVE ME NUTS I burst out laughing this week when I read a post on Facebook from a friend (thanks Joanna, I owe you one). She was recounting her rather unpleasant grocery shopping experience with an oblivious person. After several attempts of politely asking him to move so she could get her cart past him to the cashier only to be completely ignored, she resorted to her military training and barked out the order in no uncertain terms. I couldn't help myself from doubling over in giggles about the scene I painted in my mind -- this prim and proper lady, this quintessential professional, this woman of decorum and class, bellowing out the command to "kindly move!" Hilarious. It's always funny when it happens to someone else, isn't it? Oblivious people are the source of much entertainment when they affect another person's life. Not so funny when it's us living the experience.  Think: bottom of an escalator or getting off an elevator, when the person in the front comes to an unexpected and dead stop. You and the others behind him or her are piling up in body heaps, completely unbeknownst to the person who is the cause of this mishap. They have no idea what mayhem they've unleashed and go about their blissfully unaware business. What about how oblivious people affect our communications? Sadly, sometimes people are completely oblivious to social clues when it comes to how they communicate. I've seen this dynamic play out in social situations when a person tries to interject into a conversation and others talk right over. Oh, it's so frustrating! The excluded person feels rejected, invisible, overlooked, marginalized and possibly even embarrassed. Oblivious people: they walk the halls of our learning institutions, they hold seats in our offices and boardrooms, and some even make their way into our homes. So what to do about them? What's the best way to handle the oblivious people in our lives? The first plan of attack is to bring them into the moment, to raise their awareness of your presence and your needs, and (here's the tough part) to do so politely. For example, in the case of a social situation like a cocktail party or holiday gathering, suppose you see a couple people chatting. You walk over to them, thinking they'll notice your presence and invite you to join in. They don't. Here's your plan:  Approach the oblivious person or persons and wait for a slight break in conversation (they have to breathe at some point). When you see the pause, take action! Inject yourself into the conversation by saying, "Hi, I don't mean to eavesdrop. I just wanted to introduce myself". Then, extending hand, continue, "I'm Marion, and you're ...", pausing for them to fill in their name or names. Now you have eye contact, a friendly smile, and physical contact with the shake of your hand. Now you're connecting. Here's a caution: if you've been standing there for more than a few seconds and the clique you want to break into hasn't included you in its conversation, don't wait for the invitation -- it's probably not coming. Nine out of ten times, it's not because these people deliberately are being elitist and are intentionally snubbing you, but simply that they are blessedly oblivious. Don't waste energy being offended when likely none was intended; just take the initiative yourself. If it's met coldly, you're no worse off. Chances are however, that you introducing yourself into a conversation at a social venue and doing it in a polite and friendly way, will be well received. And if it's not, then those people are oblivious to what they're missing in meeting you, and that's their loss. Until next time, here's to ... Better communication, Better business, Better life. Marion Grobb Finkelstein Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author www.MarionSpeaks.com Marion@MarionSpeaks.com

About Marion

MarionSpeaks was created by Marion Grobb Finkelstein and is a company dedicated to helping individuals and organizations improve their businesses and their lives by improving their communications. Marion is devoted to empowering men and women across Canada, United States and beyond with communication skills to live the lives and enjoy the relationships they truly want.

If you enjoy improving your communications and the results that this brings, you'll love Marion's useful and insightful online products to help you hone your personal and professional communication skills. You'll find an ever-growing range of items including e-books, hard copy books, and teleseminars. All these learning and support items share strategies and tactics to enhance your communication skills and, at the same time, allowing you to remain authentically you and attract the success you deserve.

While Marion's best known for her expertise in communications, her clients and colleagues share that her biggest impact comes from her holistic approach and her philosophy of "better communication, better business, better life".  She believes that in order to succeed, keeping your communications real, authentic, and reflecting your own personal values is the ticket to success. This, Marion says, is the key to your communications achieving desired results.

You can learn more about Marion and her courses, programs, and products at www.MarionSpeaks.com.

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of attending my university (Brock) Alumni weekend. I went to a couple events and it was wonderful to rekindle old friendships and meet some new people too. We laughed about the "old times", got caught up on what the past 30 years has brought, and are already looking forward to next year's reuinion to do it all over again. During both the pub night and the next day barbecue, I couldn't help but notice the different ways people mix and mingle.

When was the last time you went to a function where people were networking? Maybe it was a company going-away party for a colleague, or perhaps a convention. Were you one of those people pressing the flesh and moving  effortlessly to chat with others? Or were you like the vast majority and didn't quite know where to begin?

If you're not networking, you're missing opportunities to connect, strengthen existing relationships and build new ones. Here's a few tips you can use to allow you to mix and mingle like a pro:

THINK STRATEGICALLY. Before you attend an event, think about who you would LIKE to meet and speak with and why? What is it that you would like to say to them and why would they be interested (what's in it for them?). You may have specific names of people, or just the "type" of person you want to meet, e.g., someone from company XYZ.

CONTACT PEOPLE IN ADVANCE. It's often possible to connect with people in advance of a function. Sometimes, through word of mouth and by asking your colleagues, you can find out who's attending and get in touch with them. Your meet-up plan can be as casual as "we'll see you at the conference", or as formal as setting a meeting time and place.

APPROACH PEOPLE YOU DON'T KNOW. Take a risk, randomly go over to someone you don't know and spark up a conversation. But how? Ask a few key questions as conversation openers. Focus on what you two would have in common -- the venue and the event. You could ask open ended questions such as, "What made you decide to attend this conference? What do you hope to get out of it? Or if it's a private function, ask him or her how they know the host/s.  

If you have great stories about mixing and mingling, let me know. I'd love to hear what techniques you've used, or how the ones above help. Now get out there to that next event and put these strategies to use. Go mix and mingle with confidence. And remember to bring lots of biz cards, you'll need them!

Until next time, here's to ...
Positive communication,
Productive relationships,
Powerful results!

Marion Grobb Finkelstein
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com

© 2010 Marion Grobb Finkelstein

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communications expert, author, professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve their businesses and their lives by improving their communications. Chat with her Facebook www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks or sign up for her FREE weekly e-newsletter "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com.