Last month I was coaching a team and sharing results from a "rate our team" questionnaire I'd developed and that they had filled in. When rating their areas where they wanted to improve, the number one thing that popped up was, "learning how to ask for help". Wow. That was an eye-opener for many around the table.

Asking for help is tough, isn't it? We fear appearing incompetent. We don't want people to realize we're a big fake and that we don't know something they figure we should. We keep on telling ourselves that someone could cope, why can't we? Well, here's a lightbulb moment ... people who ask for help often get it. Those who don't, suffer silently (or not so silently, oi vey).

Here's some tips on how to ask for help effectively:

• DON'T WHINE. No one wants to hear the "oh poor me" story.
  • Present the details factually. Remove the emotion -- that doesn't mean remove the "human impact". By all means, include that, as it's a vital part of the business case. Just avoid being emotional yourself when you describe it.
• MAKE THEM LOOK GOOD. Tell these people what's in it for THEM if they help you.
  • When you present to decision-makers, think about the outcome of what you're suggesting, and link it to how this outcome will make them look good. Once they have a vested interested, bingo -- you've got them hooked. Now they're listening.
• MAKE IT A TRIAL. When you're asking for a commitment, make it bite-size. It's easier for someone to commit to a short-term, low-investment idea. It lowers their risk factor and feels more comfortable.
  • This really works. Some time ago, I had a boss who refused to approve me hiring an administrative assistant. My team and I were being pulled away from core duties and drowning in all the administrative burden. My several requests to hire help fell upon deaf ears. Finally, a colleague suggested to me to hire a "term". The idea of a 6-month commitment was way easier to sell and the very first time I pitched this idea, my boss approved it. After the six months, it became obvious that the admin help was priceless (as every great admin person knows) and what began as a temporary fix became a permanent solution. Asking for a smaller commitment was instrumental in getting what we needed.
• BE BLATANT. Subtlety is wasted on most people. Know exactly what you need and ask for it.
  • Last weekend a friend called saying that she was bringing over a few rented movies. She mentioned in passing that it was the last night of her high school's year-end play. After dinner, I asked if she wanted to watch the movie and she again, casually mentioned the play. Upon prodding, poking and probing on my part (eeks, too much work!), I managed to extract from her that she had really wanted to see that play. Unfortunately, it was too late in the night, the play was already started ... and too late for her to speak up. Her hedging around the bush and using indirect communications resulted in frustration and disappointment on both our parts.

You deserve to have your needs heard and met and the first step to that, is giving them a voice.